Do you ever look at your life and wonder where your current events fit into the plot of your life? That is where I am at these days. Mostly because I began writing my memoir Sunlight in 2010 and felt it didn’t have an ending. So I have been working out the plot and realize I still need the thematic significance, character emotional development and the dramatic action according to The Plot Whisper: Secrets of Story Structure Any Writer Can Master.
I am trying to live my life just as a normal person may do but I can’t help but see things unfolding that fall into this universal story structure. It has me worried sometimes because as close as I come to the drama of the thematic significance I think to myself it is still going to get a bit worse than this in the dramatic action section.
One really doesn’t know where they are in their story until they can look back and reflect on it. So, I could be just in a bump on the road creating the plot. Wowzers. I hope not.
“For in writing we live life twice: once in the experience, and again in recording and reflecting upon our experience.”
Christina Baldwin in her book Storycatcher
The first part of my book is about me figuring out who I am, what my purpose in life is. Mixed in there is the drama of my marriage. How it isn’t working. That is the part that still needs to be played out. That needs to be finalized so I can finish my book. We are in a real glitch at the moment.
“When we look back this moment becomes a teaching tale for how we live with experience and ride it down to wisdom.”
Christina Baldwin in her book Storycatcher
If I am lucky we are at the dramatic action and it is almost over. Pray it be so.
In my second spiritual therapy appointment in February the strangest thing happened again. She knew something that she would have no way of knowing. Her bringing awarness of it, bringing it to the surface has really forced me to deal with it and then all this other stuff, rubbage from the bottom of the ocean, comes floating up too. So much crap!
My appointment was to work on dealing with my communication problems with my husband. There is a lot of tension between us because we see the world differently. Because I feel he won’t approve of what I feel needs to be done I prevent myself from doing it. Then I stay stuck and more anger errupts. No matter. What happened didn’t actually have to do with him at all.
While I was laying there and she was doing her energy work on me regarding my husband she was small chatting with me about what she was doing. Nothing important. What she said though made me think that I have very similar communication problems with a lady I work with as I do with my husband. My mind drifted into a story about something that had happened recently between her and I. I imagine my body must have been reacting to the memory. Just then she says, “I sense a female in your life that you are struggling with as well to communicate with? Perhaps someone involved with your Waldorf venture?”
Astonished I said “Yes, I was just thinking about her.” I wanted to ask her how she knew but I already know that. She was speaking with my guides. Now, I would normally be hesitant about all this stuff – guides and angels. I like to believe that I am open to a lot of stuff but I know I am a skeptic. But she can know things that there is no way of her knowing. Like this. We had been talking about my marriage and my passions. I did not bring up this. Not at all. I didn’t even feel it was all that important. It was something I was covering up. Not dealing with. This spiritual healer is for real.
She does some work on the energy but now that she has brought it up I am thinking about it. Dwelling on it. A few days later at work we have a meeting and this lady and I are divided on an issue. This division leads me to feeling doubt and anxiousness. She has a dominant personality and I am frustrated that I have to struggle with her. Not that it is a struggle exactly. Not between her and I as much as it is between two forces within me when I am around her. One that wants to cower and another that wants to stand strong.
This tension in me has been there for a month until finally I decide to write about it. Well not exactly about it. I wrote something else that will be the next blog post. This one snuck up on me just now while I was editing the other one. Has that ever happened to you?
As soon as I wrote in my journal as if I was writing to you, whoever you are, it all let go. Well, almost. First I had to get physically ill. The tension built up in me so much that my nerves and digest system could not handle it. Now, a release. We were together yesterday and things seem more normal. I feel stronger. Better. But when I think back to how much I thought about her I know I created something that didn’t need to be created. The story became so real and dramatic that I made myself ill.
My will is stronger now for this whole process. What was the process… that is my next blog post. I will get back to editing it. :)