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Will

Small things are the hinges to the universe.

I do not recall where I read the line above or who said it but it is a common enough phrase. It has been ringing in my mind lately as I struggle to find the will power to write. Not just write though, my memory and thought patterns seem to be off. Yes, I am pregnant and some will say that it is pregnancy brain but I feel more is going on that that.

It has come increasingly clear to me how I have lost my will. There are so many projects that I have started and it seems all of them are unfinished. Knitting, Waldorf doll making, and of course writing.

I buy vegetables to use in a soup but never make the soup. Boxes rest in my basement showcasing how I have begun purging but haven’t finished.  I start getting ready for bed and get distracted and am cleaning the kitchen only to get distracted from that and move onto another project. While there are many out there that may say they have experienced the same thing I do not in anyway feel this is normal or healthy. It is a sign of an upset, troubled, mind.

I can recall three years ago how I could set my alarm clock to get up and write and I would. Now I struggle to even write down my dreams.

Where has will gone?

Well, a few years ago I had amazing success figuring out my life seeing a counsellor who used Somatic Experiencing as a therapeutic tool. It is my wish to return to her in January to see if she can help me find my will. I want to be a mover and a shaker again. I want to kick this resistance in the butt. To have a clear mind and do what my intentions are would be glorious.

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3 thoughts on “Will

  1. You WILL find it if you keep searching. We all go through these periods. That’s when we need to make a list of very small goals. At least that works for me. Just crossing off some of those small things helps me see the possibility that I will complete the larger ones. You’ve already started on this, Marlene, with your blog posting. Writing about things frees you by putting the ideas out there for the world. That way they lose their power over you, I think, allowing you to move toward solutions. Good luck with your explorations in January. And congrats on the baby!

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