Here I am. Finally sitting down to write. I feel like a sham. Like a fake. My tummy feels nervous at the thought of hitting the publish button cause I have been gone all week. I have a mug of hot water and some bengal spice tea brewing beside me to help calm my jitters.
Have you ever not called someone back when you knew you should and then you see them on the street or mall or whatever and there is this awkward moment where you have to face them? That is how I feel now. Gone all week and now I have to face the music and return. It could be just me putting this stress on myself. I know I don’t care when the bloggers I follow post. I will be there when they are ready and frankly, I am an irregular follower. I follow and read mostly on weekends or a day or two during the week where I try to catch up on the weekly posts. I digress…
This week homeschooling took a priority. I sense I am alternating weeks. One week it is all about writing and then the next is about homeschooling. I miss writing when I am in my off week but homeschooling is always present. It trumps everything else. Darn kids:)
This week I have realized, and I think I have realized this before but forgot, that writing is not my first love. My first love is helping people in a face-to-face manner. That is my meat or protein. It is the heart of my day. When I can sit down with someone and hear their thoughts and help them. Even if helping them is simply listening. I am not ready to make that a full-time business though so I write. Writing is my water in life. Or perhaps it works well as my veggies in this analogy. I don’t know. I haven’t thought this anaology through. I need writing like I need to speak. But I need face-to-face helping as much. Homeschooling, well that is my rice, my bread, my corn. It is a staple.
Knowing that writing is not champion in my life can that release some of the guilt I feel in not hitting the internet at all this week? Does it relieve me? Probably not. I hear constant pressure out there about how you need to be consistent in your posting. Ahh… consistency is my enemy. I rebel against consistency.
I am participating in Deepak Chopra’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge. On one of the days he talks about not judging any moment, or anything for that matter, as good or bad. Just be. Let things be. He also talks about how you are where you need to be.
Now I realize that is what this post has been about – me judging me. Time to end.
I will enjoy writing. I will post as often as I can but I have kids and I do love them so. They are a priority over everything else. I will continue to learn how to manage my time and until then … well this erratic posting is just me. Just know that I love reading many of your blogs and I love hearing your comments and support. Thank you for sticking around:)
PS: I invite you to join me on Facebook for a bit more intimacy:)