I woke up this morning and realized that I had mentioned in a weekend post that I would post a bit of me switching between an adult point of view and my child’s voice and here it is, Friday, and I still have not done it.
I feel I really got to more out of my child’s voice, revisiting the memory as a child. It isn’t always easy to do but I believe it is well worth it if you can.
Once I ran away. I don’t know why I was so angry. I do remember I was wearing a white shirt, rain boots and was marching down the road. I don’t think I had any pants on – only panties. Something about me being in panties was part of what made me mad and leave.
I looked back once and saw my family laughing at me from the doorway. I was about five years old. I was heartbroken and very upset. Seeing them still laughing at me as I was running away, not caring about me leaving at all, still wrapped up in their humour, only upset me more.
Oh, they knew I wouldn’t get far. And I didn’t. I only went to Mike’s. That was as far as we were permitted to go at that age. Which is just halfway down the block.
I sat on the sidewalk. I sat there for a while wondering in my five-year-old mind what I was going to do. Probably worrying about my toys and other things I left behind more than food and shelter.
I eventually went back home. Probably after five minutes which felt longer in my youth. I went to the yard not the house. The plan was to play until someone came out and stumble upon me, and start playing with me. Easing my way back into the family.
I am mad. They won’t listen to me. They just laugh at me. I am leaving. I don’t have time to pack up anything. I just have to go now. I grab my rubber boots and head out the door. I yelled to them “I am running away!” They laugh more.
They don’t even care that I’m leaving. Once on the road I look back, I want to see their faces now that they see I am actually doing it. I am leaving.When I look back they are still laughing. They stand at the door and laugh hysterically at me.
I walk and walk and walk. I sit down on the sidewalk in front of Mike’s house. I don’t know what to do. So many thoughts come into my mind. I know I would miss my toys. Who would feed Trixie. They need me for things around the house. Who would sweep the floor? I better go back.
I can’t believe they laughed at me.
I walk over to the swings. I swing a time or two then walked behind the house and started digging in the garden starting a fairytale story. One with adventure. Then I head down the path to the trailer using the clothesline as some line to help me rescue someone.
Melinda and Eleanor come out. I tell them what I am playing and we run off into the bushes to continue the game.