I wake to silence. I don’t hear the shower running. Yesterday I woke to noise – the shower,sounding like a waterfall on the other side of our bedroom wall and the kitchen was full of clanging and slamming doors. Today it is silent. Something is off. Yesterday I had to adjust to the realization that it was the first day of school and that was why my house was alive. Today I adjust to the idea that Emily is not going to school anymore. That explains part of the silence. Not the whole part. Why don’t I hear Sherese?
The bed bounces roughly and I sense Craig flailing for his alarm clock. Certainly one of these times he is going to have a heart attach when that thing goes off. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute then grabs his robe and leaves for breakfast. I lay there thinking, dreading really, that I am going to have to face his music about Emily choosing to not continue on with public school after returning for one day.
Yes, one day. “How can she really know what it will be like after being back for one day?” he asks me yesterday.
“It is not like she has never been to school before. She was at school for the first two weeks last year. She has been there every year. She knows what lays ahead.”
Disgruntled and wanting to debate the issue more last night but he was pulled away by Teela. Thank goodness. We have had this discussion so many times last year and now we face another year of it.
I can recall sitting in a doctor’s office in my twenties. Probably mid twenties. I had something up with my feminine parts. Can’t remember what but the doctor had no idea so he sat there telling me how a period works, how long it lasts and how much I discharge. I recall thinking then, “Seriously? I have two kids and have been menstruating for over a decade and as a man you are going to sit there and explain my cycle?” This is how I feel with Craig explaining how my kids should learn. I feel I am so far ahead of him and in a world that he will never have any clue about. It doesn’t fit his logic. You go to public school, you focus on the science and maths and that is the end of it. You need those subjects to survive in this world, to be anything. Period.
Yesterday I returned home from running errands in the city to find Emily sitting in the living room crying.
“It was torture. It is not worth it to go to Korea.” she said trying to control her crying. I have told her so many times that it is okay to cry but she has been conditioned otherwise. “Listening to them talk about everything we are going to learn and how we are going to be graded …. (crying) … made me feel sick. I am not interested in any of it, mom.”
Now to many people out there who hear their kids say this, and I use to be one of them, would say “Buck up and get back to school.” Not me. Not anymore. Now I realize there is so much more to gain if I let Emily lead the way. I will accomplish more as a parent. So much more.
Now it is time to face the music. I need to get out of bed and be Emily’s advocate. I grab my robe and open my door. I hear the tinkling of a spoon hitting a bowl. Emily is up.