Are You Living Your Life Or Just Following A Script?

I love this post of Marie’s. Well, I love many of her posts but I felt this one really tied into a message I often try to send on my blog. I know you will enjoy it if you are searching for a little something more in your life.

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Memoir Writing – Discover Your Life – A Significant Moment

What one event or circumstances in your life did more to make you into who you are than any other and why?”

                     –  The Call of the Writer’s Craft by Tom Bird

My significant moment is described in the introduction to Sunlight.

Every story takes you back to the place where you feel the beginning was happening. The place where your life initiated you on your journey. My life was set in motion one summer day in my home town of Rose Valley. I was riding my bike up and down our prairie street in front of our house. I was so impressed with myself, the way I had control of the bike, how fast I could go, and how I stopped. I was a master at bike riding. I didn’t see how it was possible for anyone to be better at it than me.

“A feeling washed over me, I knew it through-and-through, that my life was here for a purpose. I stood there on the half-paved road in front of my house absorbing this knowledge like light from the sky. A gift. It became part of my being, my blood.” 

A Bit of Sunlight – Writer’s Craft III

*Sorry for my post being so late.  I am working on finishing my book by Saturday.

 Saturday is my deadline!* 

It feels good to set my alarm clock each morning. I feel like I have a purpose. A small one. It is just for me, but it is a bit of something sweet to my day.

I have dumped out my garbage, the first step in Tom Bird’s book. I hope I got it all. The next step is to write my story. Before you start writing your masterpiece you create a contract binding you to working for thirty days on your writing, according to Mr. Bird. I do this and send it out to seven people. Requiring them to hold me accountable. Seven people who I feel safe with and I know will encourage me onwards. I should have my contract fulfilled by November 19th. I am pumped!

My husband is not one of these seven people and it bothers me.

I begin writing. I start by doing some mind-mapping to get my juices flowing. I put the subject of a memoir of my childhood in the middle of the page and then let topics flow out from that.  I keep doing this until one of those topics cause me to write and write and write.

I do this for almost half an hour. Tom Bird says it could take fifteen minutes so clearly there must be something wrong with me. My brain eventually finds a topic. I run with it and my writing begins.

After a week of getting up to write my story I am questioning my writing. I am not sure where this is going. My ‘story’ feels more like a journal. I wake up every day at five o’clock in the morning just to bitch for an hour and a half. I can not seem to shift it to be a memoir, or account of my life in Rose Valley, or anything else. I didn’t think I would write about these thoughts. Over and over again I write about what I am going through right now. I can not seem to shake it. Especially when it is the same fiasco day in and day out.  It is driving me crazy.

It doesn’t seem that long ago that I got up in the night and wrote down the beginning of what I thought would be a family memoir. Those magical words that came to me so simply. They just slipped into my brain the night Craig and I watched Eat, Pray, Love. How come words are not coming so easily to me now?

Maybe I am stuck because I allow thoughts and events to block me from letting my creativity flow – like Craig’s pressure on me. I have noticed that when I write my best it is after I have stood up to Craig. How can he affect my creativity? Or is it me affecting my creativity? It isn’t every fight. It is the fights where I make myself the most vulnerable to him. Those fights where I am strong and my heart bursts through a wall I have up.  Those are the times that I feel art comes out of me – my mind is clear – and the process is easy.  It doesn’t make any sense.  

I Have Been Nominated For Two Awards!

Well I am honoured and flattered to say that I have been nominated for One Lovely Blog Award and Inspiring Blog Award by Jane, author of In My Mother’s Room.  Jane is blogging a book .  The book is about her journey caring for her mother during her mother’s illness.  It is touching and reminds me so much of what I have been through with my father and what I may experience in the not to distant future with both my parents.

As per the rules of of the awards I will tell you seven things about myself.

1.   My husband and I have decided to try for another baby.  I am freaking out a bit.

2.   My favourite chocolate bar is any that are with the Endangered Species brand (found at health food stores).

3.  I have lemon honey tea in a special tea cup every morning.

4.  I love to feel the wind in my hair.

5.  On contrary to the wind in my hair, I have an obsession with hats.

6.  Housekeeping is not my specialty.

7. I am tired of playing “princess” this summer and ache for my three year old to find a new obsession:)

I also need to nominate 15 blogs!  Man oh man.  No small feat.  Here goes.

1.  Yoga Life with Debra

2.  Sunstone Creations

3.  Small Note Book

4.  Steady Mom

5.  Renegade Mothering

6.  Christine Goodnough

7.  Don’t Cry, Broken Angel

8.  Life and Career Coaching with Marie Wetmore

9.  Naked Sunday’s and Other Questionable Ideas

10.  Homeschooling at the Hex House

11.  Terah Van Dusen

12.  Malinka’s Studio

13.  Homeschooling In the Middle East

14.   Life, Liberty and Education

15.  Laura Grace Weldon

Be Aware

I open the west-facing door to head out of the yoga studio.  The yellowy-orange setting sun jumps out at me with a delightful surprise.  It is like the world is all a dark deep blue and this orange circular glow is hanging in the middle of all this depth.  I yell a good-by to Debra and dash out to my car.  The sky is noisy with thunder and sparkling with lightning but in this moment it isn’t raining.  It has taken a reprieve from its stormy activity.

I leave the yard and as I drive home I watch the sun as it slowly descends, falling below the crust of the earth.  When I first walked out it was sitting high in the sky.  By the time I hit the highway, 3 minutes, it was already half way to the earth.  By the time I turn onto my grid road, heading north, half of it is below the edge of the earth.  In 10 minutes it has been slipping down the dark blue sky like quick sand.  So quickly I am surprised and in awe of this beautiful event I get to witness.

I feel it is calling to me as I watch it from the corner of my eye heading north now.  It is asking me to not forget it.  To remember it.  Maybe to even write about it.  It isn’t sad that it is leaving us.  It knows it is time and just wants me to soak up its energy, its sacredness.

Before my journey to joy I would have noticed the setting un.  I may have even been in awe of it.  I just wouldn’t have allowed myself to get as wrapped up in it and let it consume a whole 15 minutes of my life as well as write about it as soon as I walk in the door.

All this magnificence in nature is a true gift that we can watch and soak up every day, every season, every year.  We ignore that the sun rises and sets every day.  We don’t even ponder that we set our daily rhythms, something so basic in our lives, to this sacred event.  I wish I had a camera with me.  I would have loved to have posted a picture of it.

Next time.