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My Writing Life

Where do I even begin.  It is so hard to return to writing after I have been pulled away for a few days.  Or have I been pulled away?  Maybe I just let myself go because it can be hard some days to sit down and have nothing come out of my pen.  I must persevere.  I need a routine.

I have been thinking about blogging and one of its purposes for me in my writing life.  I think it is to hold me accountable.  When I am gone away for a spell from my blog its floating existance in space is a reminder that I have something important I need to do – write.

Not writing has made me sick in the past.  Which is where Sunlight came from I guess.  Now, I think something else is going on with my health as I try to balance home life and a writing life.  I am getting a lot of abdominal cramping.  I do fear it is stress related as I think about writing all day.  It is the first thought on my mind as I shift from my sleeping state to this world.  I go for an ultrasound on Monday.  See what they say.  I have a feeling they are going to find absolutely nothing.

I think about asking my family to take over some things at home so I can write.  Yet, I find it hard to ask for help.  The whole concept of assistance is my nemesis.  More times than I can count I think trying to write while I have kids at home is setting myself up for failure.  I wonder if I should wait until I do not have family under foot.   Yet, do I want my life to start when they are all gone?!  No.

Establishing a routine as a writer/researcher, stay at home mother plus, I suppose, a homeschooling mom, does not seem to be an easy challenge for me.  Yet I know mom’s who do it.  It can be done.  I really need to find that more determined voice inside of me.  Once, maybe 15 years ago, I took a kick boxing class.  The instructor kept saying to me that I needed to find my power.  He knew I had a stronger kick in me and for me to bring it out.  Every class he said that to me, “Find your strength.”  It still haunts me. Damn.  When am I going to learn this lesson.  I feel my writing life is in competition with my parenting expectations.  This should not be the case.  They can live harmoniously together.  I know they can. Somehow.  Balancing work and family isn’t impossible is it?

Photos curtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

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