Where do I even begin. It is so hard to return to writing after I have been pulled away for a few days. Or have I been pulled away? Maybe I just let myself go because it can be hard some days to sit down and have nothing come out of my pen. I must persevere. I need a routine.
I have been thinking about blogging and one of its purposes for me in my writing life. I think it is to hold me accountable. When I am gone away for a spell from my blog its floating existance in space is a reminder that I have something important I need to do – write.
Not writing has made me sick in the past. Which is where Sunlight came from I guess. Now, I think something else is going on with my health as I try to balance home life and a writing life. I am getting a lot of abdominal cramping. I do fear it is stress related as I think about writing all day. It is the first thought on my mind as I shift from my sleeping state to this world. I go for an ultrasound on Monday. See what they say. I have a feeling they are going to find absolutely nothing.
I think about asking my family to take over some things at home so I can write. Yet, I find it hard to ask for help. The whole concept of assistance is my nemesis. More times than I can count I think trying to write while I have kids at home is setting myself up for failure. I wonder if I should wait until I do not have family under foot. Yet, do I want my life to start when they are all gone?! No.
Establishing a routine as a writer/researcher, stay at home mother plus, I suppose, a homeschooling mom, does not seem to be an easy challenge for me. Yet I know mom’s who do it. It can be done. I really need to find that more determined voice inside of me. Once, maybe 15 years ago, I took a kick boxing class. The instructor kept saying to me that I needed to find my power. He knew I had a stronger kick in me and for me to bring it out. Every class he said that to me, “Find your strength.” It still haunts me. Damn. When am I going to learn this lesson. I feel my writing life is in competition with my parenting expectations. This should not be the case. They can live harmoniously together. I know they can. Somehow. Balancing work and family isn’t impossible is it?
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