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A Bit of Sunlight

“I had no idea that the sun in PEI could fill me with so much grace. Even just thinking this way, that the sun in PEI could fill me with so much grace, is an unusual thought for me. I was filled with light, life and joy and as we fly home it is fading just as the humidity is leaving Teela’s hair and turning her healthy flowing curls into straight frizzy hair. I feel empty.

“All I can think about is how I had been truly living the last two weeks and didn’t notice until now. I got caught up in the passion of life and wasn’t even aware of what gift I was receiving so I couldn’t recognize what I was leaving behind as I boarded the plane in Charlottetown to come home.

“Now that I am home I feel strange. Not happy. Not that feeling not happy is anything new but this is worse. I am detached and disengaged like never before. Is this what everyone feels like after an amazing holiday in a world different from their own?

“Teela is home and I am struggling to do anything. I am struggling to be alone and that is all I want to do. I can not even think. It is like she notices that my attention is not completely focused on her and she cries out for me. I am struggling to take care of her. I am struggling to take care of me. It is all the effort I have just to feed her. I just want to be alone. I want the sun.

“While Teela’s presence creates a distraction for me I am also feeling at a loss because I can’t do anything. It is gloriously hot. The sun is shinning so brightly and we can’t be outside too long during the day because there is nowhere to cool down. We hide in the basement. The damp, cool basement. Yesterday I was on a beach smelling the ocean air, covered in red sand, listening to the waves crash the shore. I was with my sister. We were laughing. I was buying ice-cream and shopping at boardwalks. Everyday for the last two weeks I was in the sun. How can I actually be here, in a damp basement surrounded by dark brown seventies decor? I went from light to darkness in a day.”

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