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A Bit of Sunlight

“At home I felt like a used cat toy that was ripped apart but expected to keep giving. I was not valued. I was not consulted on many decisions. I couldn’t even boil water at the right temperature without being told I was doing it wrong. I doubted many of my decision that I did make. I had to ask for validation for many things, “Could I go to the bathroom now or would it be better to wait until Teela was distracted?”

My home life was the complete opposite of my work life. There was no team work, no support, no appreciation. I had to do everything while all of them got to sit at the computer and/or watch TV. Did no one even notice I was evaporating?

Despite being respected at work and feeling ripped apart and broken at home I knew the answers for my anxiousness and disrupted self were at home. I wanted to take the time to make sense of my home life and find a balance. I would never find the answers to my problems in a place that wasn’t right for me. Home was where I wanted to be despite it sucking the life out of me.”

The “place that wasn’t right for me” was my job as an academic coordinator.  I loved my job but I felt like a fraud.  I was always pretending to be something that I wasn’t.  While I held this position, and the positions that led to this position, I felt I was watching me wobble around in high heal shoes.  Finally I fell from those heals.  What a relief my disguise is over.

Have any of you ever felt as though you were in a job or place that wasn’t quite right for you?

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