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“No.”

I feel as though my ambition to write has lost me.  It is 5:30 in the morning.  I am finally able to take some time for my craft and I have nothing to say.  I am blank.  Like too many marbles stuffed in a bag, now I have to wiggle to get even one out.

Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself.  I wake myself up several times in the night hoping that it will be 5:30, my wake up time.  Only it isn’t.  It is earlier.  I don’t want to be exhausted so I fall back asleep.  I wake up  so many times that by the time my meditation bowl chime goes off at 5:30 I sleep right through it. I am so desperate for some time to write that I am defeating myself in the process.

Now I sit here with plenty of time after a week or more of struggling to find it and I have nothing to say.  I wonder how bloggers find time to blog on a regular basis?  A commitment to a schedule I presume.  A commitment they don’t let even their family intrude on.  My issue is to say “No.”  It is such a small word yet the energy it takes to say it seems to be surmountable. I am sucked into my family’s expectations or are they my expectations?

Now that I have written about not being able to write I feel as though I may have wiggled one marble out of the bag.  Perhaps other ideas will come easier now.  One marble at a time and then the ideas will flow easily.  They will pour out freely and uninhibited.

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