I feel as though my ambition to write has lost me. It is 5:30 in the morning. I am finally able to take some time for my craft and I have nothing to say. I am blank. Like too many marbles stuffed in a bag, now I have to wiggle to get even one out.
Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself. I wake myself up several times in the night hoping that it will be 5:30, my wake up time. Only it isn’t. It is earlier. I don’t want to be exhausted so I fall back asleep. I wake up so many times that by the time my meditation bowl chime goes off at 5:30 I sleep right through it. I am so desperate for some time to write that I am defeating myself in the process.
Now I sit here with plenty of time after a week or more of struggling to find it and I have nothing to say. I wonder how bloggers find time to blog on a regular basis? A commitment to a schedule I presume. A commitment they don’t let even their family intrude on. My issue is to say “No.” It is such a small word yet the energy it takes to say it seems to be surmountable. I am sucked into my family’s expectations or are they my expectations?
Now that I have written about not being able to write I feel as though I may have wiggled one marble out of the bag. Perhaps other ideas will come easier now. One marble at a time and then the ideas will flow easily. They will pour out freely and uninhibited.